To devote oneself, without asking for anything in return…

You see, people don’t usually learn things overnight. But there are exceptions. As for my case, I don’t know if it is considered an exception. Well let me just be straightforward.

Looking back on the things I’ve done and the posts I’ve written, I feel strongly that I had been a coward. Is this nature? I wonder. But then this question should never be my question in the first place, unless I go and study philosophy. See the point I’m trying to make here is that at different stages of life, there’s a need to focus on whatever we are supposed to be doing. Right here right now it makes no sense for me to just sit down here and weep by my self, sobbing loudly so that someone may approach me and care for me. For 14 years I’ve been used to be looked after. Then, now, in this age, I’m still hoping that someone would be committed to me. How silly! I wonder whether the root of this huge problem lies in those romantic soap operas I’ve watched. I need to mention here that romantic soap opera sucks. Whoever believes in it would be too foolish.

So here goes the next point. I put all my hysterical words and actions under one cause, namely attention-seeking. (Maybe it’s because I can’t find a better reason). Anyway I’m still not grown up. People like me undergoes cycles. First you feel desperate. Then, accidentally you have something unbelievable good happened to you, or you happen to read a good book telling you to calm down, you will immediately change to a happy mood. Then, unfortunately, by accident again, a trivial trouble finds you and you go back to the first phase. That’s it. That’s the kind of life I’m living and I’m trying to get rid of.

Time doesn’t allow me to say anymore. But, all in all, let me mention about the topic of this post. I suddenly feel it’s so good to just care for someone and just give whatever you have. I think this kind of life suits me. When you don’t ask for anything in return, you’ll find this world so much prettier. So I will do what I want to do, and abandon what I shouldn’t be dreaming of. Here goes my new life.