我心目中的贾梅贾里

心血来潮的在百度上搜那部女生贾梅的电视剧，结果发现《男生贾里新传》拍出来了，查老师竟然是阮经天演的，介绍上说这部戏是他的09青春偶像剧。无语。


我对偶像剧演员是没什么意见的。我只是觉得他和我心目中的查老师相差甚远。回头想想也是。在那些只有图书没有青春偶像剧的日子里，每个人心中都有他们自己的贾梅贾里。我对这套人物的认识，在我四，五年级刚迷恋上这套书时就定型了。


我心目中的贾里，是个头一米六，带着一副眼镜的机灵小男孩。头发要乱乱的，思维很快。他不是绝对的绅士。他也给洪裳起外号，但最终还是表现得像个男人。也捉弄自己的妹妹，但在他受欺负是一定会保护她。言语中对林晓梅表示不屑，但和美女说话还是挺恭敬的。他对喜欢自己的王小明是友好但又有些无奈的。他研究太阳黑子并且始终认为自己是个除了陈应达之外的天才。整天和鲁智胜混在一起，俩人互相调侃。


我心目中的贾梅，是个可爱善良的小女孩。她的家庭温馨，身上穿着带熊宝宝的裙子，整天在校园里和林晓梅走在一起。她是英语课代表。胡彩蝶很喜欢她整天缠着和她在一起。她觉得自己的哥哥有些自大但还是在必要的时候维护她。她穿着朴素的白裙子去选礼仪女生结果赢了林晓梅。她表演的时候衣服扣子掉了鞋跟也掉了但还是被选进电影里了。她对林第一这个干净的手指修长的男生有好感，可惜这个男生挺自卑，最后就这么转学消失了，我期待的朦胧的感情戛然而止。


其实之后有在《调皮的日子》看到林第一，就是除了看电视是第一其他的都是倒数一的林第一。这里的他似乎比较快乐，没那么多学习带来的自卑感。林第一是我在整套书里除了贾里以外最喜欢的男性角色了。


我心目中的林晓梅，是仗义而维护朋友的。她有时有些大小姐脾气，但她挺善良的，她愿意帮助斑马这种人，也愿意为了王小明跑前跑后。


我心目中的鲁智胜，是一个看着笨笨的但实际也很机灵的小胖子，他抽过烟，被贾里整了以后就戒了。喜欢林晓梅，并且整天傻乎乎的出现在她面前。他春游的时候老鲁对他说，儿子，给你200块钱，到那里吃不习惯就下馆子！


我心目中的陈应达，是个个头小小的，脑袋大大的，瘦弱的整天背着牛皮公文包的男生。一天到晚都在研究学习。他在“孔乙己事件“把去帮他的贾里完全的抛弃了，这点我很气愤。但是在他和鲁智胜一起努力帮助生病的庄静后，我又对他改观了。


我心目中的庄静，是个“如天鹅般娴静的女孩“。考试总和陈应达不相上下。贾里貌似喜欢她。不过这种女生应该没有人不喜欢吧，连林晓梅这种骄傲的人都认可她。印象最深的是她的那句“坚持公平“。


我心目中的张飞飞，是完全的大姐大类型，穿着入时，是“中国千里马文学社“的社长（此社总共有三个人，一个社长两个副社长），写作文爱说“飞飞认为“。她虚荣心强，小姐脾气大。总希望自己是最耀眼的，但她并不坏。


我心目中的张潇洒，是个完全的帅哥，虽然有些小白脸。经常是故事里中出丑搞笑的那一个。


还有很多人物。刘格诗，有点小结巴，但很真诚很热心。肖茹，特立独行的美女。肖林，回答篮球的学生会主席，貌似对林晓梅有意思。王小明，家庭状况复杂，喜欢贾里，每天对他笑三笑。胡彩蝶，和大才子“陈应达“是幼儿园同学，并且声称和他订了娃娃亲。查老师，才华横溢行人物，学识渊博。长的文质彬彬，绝对不是“ 阮经天“那张偶像剧脸，很了解学生。。。


从小学到初中，我把一套5本书不知道啃了多少遍。每个人物都是鲜活的，每个人物都在我这十几年的学子生涯处出现过，书里的人物经典到可以用来分类。


仅以此纪念我的贾梅贾里情结。

To all the people I love. To Seraph.

我不会说没你活不下去/但没你快乐会少三分之一/我经常损你但其实很喜欢你/恨不得我们24小时粘在一起/

赌气的时候我说不再理你/回家对着镜子练习不在乎你/三天后故意找个话题接近你/彼此心里都暗自欢喜 /

Chorus: 说好以后要做彼此的伴娘/还要做随时可以串门的邻居/大人说这些梦想太过幼稚/但现在我充满了为之拼搏的决心/别人因为我的缺点疏远我/你却会更加努力的帮助我/在他们面前我要高高的抬起头/在你面前我才可以肆意做自己/

没用的我总在孤独时哭泣/庆幸有个盒子里装满了你的信/依赖感太强就不是乖孩子/那说我任性吧也没关系/

笨笨的我和你在一起/总是闯祸也都没关系/因为你看得到我隐藏的光芒/在你心里我无与伦比

Chorus

其实我不会也不想预言未来/因为你让我每分每秒珍惜现在

Ewan McGregor in "Angels and Demons"

没看过这本书，所以还是相对放心的去看电影了。经验告诉我，从小说改编过来的电影百分之99会被骂。大部分书迷都要求电影完全的忠实原著。但是电影就是电影，一种不同的艺术表现手法。所以一般看过书的人再看电影就会有浪费钱的感觉。幸好我完全是冲着演员去的。


基本上那个女的就是花瓶。没什么用。没什么可以发挥的戏份，当然也看不出此人演技究竟如何。而Tom Hanks，第二次做教授，没什么新意了，当然影帝还是影帝，除了身材够呛以外，整部电影挑不出毛病啊。在图书馆里砸玻璃那场戏挺惊险的。我总是感觉他下一秒就要晕倒了，不过“主角不死定论“告诉我希望就在不远处。结果，玻璃碎了。


最让人惊艳的莫过于Ewan McGregor的the Camerlengo。我在某张海报上看到他的时候就被他的牧师服电到了。真是人长得有型穿什么帅啊。他刚一出场我又被他完美的音色给吸引了。真的是太太太好听了。想当年我刚看完红磨坊的时候，不敢相信那些歌就是他唱的。为什么除了Nick Carter外还有一个人长得如此潇洒音色如此迷人？有那么半年，我每天都会听"Come what may" 和"Your song"。他的声音已经印在我脑海里了。


跑题了。Anyway，这个魅力男声整场戏90%的时间里都看着非常innocent。虽然我一次看见他就凭着我多年看电影的直觉判断出此人会是头号或二号反派人物，但当他正义凛然而有条不紊地告诉密室里的红衣主教们为什么要evacuate时，我觉得他身上充满了一个Pope该有的领袖气质和 insight。于是我的第一个猜测（这个人是Illuminati的卧底）不成立。


然后这个Camerlengo不断帮助Robert Langdon，并且一有机会就给一场关于为什么science 和religion都重要的speech，并且不断承认Catholic Church曾经对Illuminati的屠杀行为是错的。而且他长得太正义了，声音太好听了，眼神太无辜了。每次他被那个老主教以权势欺压时，我是气不打一处来啊。你说这么爱国家爱社会爱宗教的好少年（而且还这么帅）你去哪里找得到啊？还怪人家越权。人家可是句句在理啊。我唯一的感觉就是，Ewan McGregor在这部戏里对自己religion的热爱，丝毫不亚于他在moulin rouge对satine的热爱。虽然religion和人是不能比的，但是他的狂热，他的崇敬以及他不顾一切的追求，都是看得到的。


整部戏的高潮，产生于当the Camerlengo知道antimatter的电池不够时间被拆除而直接捧着它进入直升飞机里。（我在片头就很惊讶，Dan Brown这个人也太博学了，又懂religion又懂symbols连LHC,antimatter都略知一二）本来在前面那段，我就已经看出来他是故意受伤的。一切都太巧合了。Langdon刚刚闯进去，就看见了那么明显的一幕？而且the Camerlengo还没死？那个Swiss Guard的头头开始还完全一副还不在状态的表情，幸好他头脑转的快，那把钥匙说明这故事还有下文。


但是当the Camerlengo进直升飞机的时候我还是泪如泉涌啊。真的太正义了。黑色的牧师服，随时愿意牺牲的坚毅的表情(我觉得这个表情是真的，他也不知道自己活不活得下去），那个一切为了自己的信仰的英雄，就这么出现了又要这么走了。我当时真的希望他别跳下来就这么牺牲好了。要不等大家都知道真相时他会更惨。


最后悲惨的事情还是发生了。一切水落石出了。他在幕后策划了一切，是为了捍卫自己的信仰，但却用了不正当的手段。我想当他走进密室时心情是激动的，应该已经预测到了点什么。影片的这个插曲也许想表现一下他的ambition吧，但是交代得很模糊。当他走进密室面对众人时，他又很聪明，马上就意识到了the situation is out of control already。这段拍得很好。他没有像traditional Chinese drama里那样临死前还要做困兽之斗，或为自己辩解，或掏出一把手枪扫射。他腿受伤了，转身依然潇洒。他的紧张表现在愈行愉快的步伐中。我觉得他是在路上想到了最好的结局，自焚。最后他是个亡命之徒，不过不是歇斯底里型的。


其实影片很多地方交代得不很清楚。如果 the Camerlengo这么执迷于自己的信仰，为什么会牺牲与他同信仰的主教？如果这件事是他一手策划，他和那个绑架者的关系是什么？为什么那个绑架者说“ 他们没叫我杀你们“，而不是“他“？绑架者的身份是什么？而且，如果他这么疯狂，那么比起他极端的作案手法，他投降的太快了，快得让人觉得他知道自己是错的，which is not shown anywhere。


但是就Ewan McGregor而言，这是又一部佳作。他的表现丝毫不亚于Tom Hanks。他把这个人的伟大的那部分思想演出来了，并且赚了眼泪。而他在摄像头里露出本性的那段表演来得很自然。动作，语言，表情的衔接无可挑剔，太 convincing了。而剧本的问题，就忽视吧。

What's the matter with me?

Once, zry. Then, zhw. Though in both cases there were just crushes. I still have feelings for zry, although exactly what kind of feeling？I don't know. I just know that I would check his space regularly. I like every word he said. I can almost visualize his facial expression when he speaks. Still, I think I care for him. Maybe not in that sense, but care, still.
I guess I can never feel bad about him. He's attractive, although I'm the only one who thinks so. Well, my taste is always strange.
Suddenly I don't want to lose him. I still want him as my friend. I know I have to let go a lot of things. I know I should not act as if I'm crazy about him. But I just have to. If I lose contact with him, I may lose him forever. But I don't want to.
I can let go easily people like, zhw, who I would probably never know about. So I guess the reason I can't forget zry is that I really have liked him,and I never stop feeling good about him.
Okay, I've sent out invitation to him. I'm not sure he'll still add me. But if he does, I'll tell him I want him as a friend. I really do.

Some thoughts after the CCA exhibition

1st of all, I'm again depressed.

I now know that I'm only getting 12 hrs for two years serving in library. It sounds trivial,really. But it matters to me. I joined library last year because I heard that I can get 20 cip hrs per year. At the end of last year I was told it was 12 hrs per year. And now, omg, 12 hrs for two years. What can I say? I made this unwise choice myself, so I would have to abide all the consequences. I have to.

Again I'm creating a problem for myself. That's the situation and I can't change it. So really, why worry?

The 2nd thing that makes me frustrated is the comparison which I can't help making of me with others. I'm so weak. I'm nothing here. This really is not the place I'm meant to be. God loves jokes. Every body, except me, is a leader. Leadership, without which my US dream will forever remain a dream.

My CCAs do not need me. I know I can never go around and ask ppl to join my CCA. Or, at present, I can't. I have no confidence, nor support.

But indeed I'm lucky to have a friend who is willing to start an SL project with me, even though I'm not sure of doing it or not. Let me check things out over this weekend and make up my mind. I can't just hang around like this. I must do something.

A depressing day

My ear hurts! My ear hurts!

After one whole year since I got my ear pierced, I finally tasted my own bitter fruit. My ears have not recovered yet, and god knows whether the possibility of me having healthy ears still exists. I wonder. Okay, cheer up cheer up. I must believe in myself.

Another day of depression. I got back my physics consolidation test papers. It was a disaster, in every aspect. The super low mark, the most blank paper, the little thinking I have done, and the non-existent effort I was supposed to have put in.

This reminds me of a poem I saw in the Boarding School washroom(strange, isn't it). Worry never solves a problem, it may even become a problem. So why worry?

Why worry? I ask myself. I'm still concerned about Mr. Tan's reaction, to a large extent, even after the more disastrous mark I got for J1 Block Test. I guess I'm just someone who tries, albeit often in vain, to give every one the best possible impression. I am just like this. I want to get every one to like me, which, in any case, is not possible for someone like me. I 'm not hardworking, not clever, not as kind-hearted as a girl should be. I like to shout. I'm vulgar. And then? I could make a long list of all my weaknesses. Still, my parents are always there to love me and support me.

I don't know why I'm so easily agitated and pressurized. Any little thing could bring me depress. I want my life to be smooth with no trouble, which, I guess, is never possible.

And, sadly, I've lost my point again.

H3 math is driving me bad. The lectures are difficult enough to confuse me and deprive me of my confidence to look at any of the tutorial questions. I keep having this feeling that I may not do well in my H3 exams, which is the most undesirable situation now. And I still have my SL project to concern about. Should I do one just for the sake of a slightly better profolio? Or should I just concentrate on my study? I know if I kill this idea, I should probably say goodbye to my US dream now. But even if I try, wouldn't I be more disappointed if I fail? Why no confidence?

Shit. So much for today. I still have to catch up with my tutorial.

1st post in 2009

It's been a long time...since my last post. Really a long time. I've been lazy for some time. Just last week I though about closing this blog forever. But then when I looked at all those posts that I had written, I told myself to get up from laziness. Well, for the sake of my GP, I better starting writing something, though usually with grammatical mistakes, in English.

I could never write anything in English in XiaoNei. It's just that there are so many English pros of my ages moving around there, and even those people seldom use English. Thus my pride forbids me to write anything English there again.

There has not really been a significant change in my life up till now. School reopened, and I started repeating my tragedy all over again. School, hostel, hostel, school. Everyday I have work to complete. No normal TV programs. No Thunder. No relatives. Palpitations and immense anxiety are engulfing me. It feels like my heart is whacked suddenly. Maybe it is to do with my pressure, or my lack of confidence, or my sense of insecurity. I don't know why. Singapore is really driving me mad.

Last year I had a crush on somebody and now the feelings are almost drained. I even gave up my friendship with Zhao. I must admit my most irrational period comes when I talk to Zhao. He sucks yet I didn't want to stop the conversation. Now I'm glad I realized how strange he seems to me. Well I really can't figure out where this emotion thing is going. Headache.