Recently I always have this feeling that my life is incomplete.
Is it, really?
I miss the fun I have had with my friends. YY and Seraph are in China now. It seems the only friend I have here is LX, to whom I can't tell certain things.
Maybe a lot of people are experiencing this transition now. But to them this may be only a short-term thing. Soon they'll make new friends and have new fun. But could I, ever?
I know I am jealous of those who did manage to get into accountancy. I missed my chance, and I was never able to change the outcome of that god-damned interview. I had performed poorly and let myself down. But these were not the worst. What hurts me the most is the fear I have over math. Could I ever do well in it?
Could I ever make another friend in this campus? Will I be allowed to stay in hostel for the next 3 years?
I am full of doubts.
5 Sept 2010
8 Jul 2010
德国队输了
我真的很难受很难受。这是我唯一完整看完的一场比赛，也是让我泪流满面的一场比赛。巴熊熊并没有在场边，否则如果让我看到他的表情，我大概都睡不好吧。
如果不是因为他，我也许都不会关注德国队。下届世界杯，应该不会再有熊和克洛泽了。现实就是如此残酷。年轻的德国队还有机会，但是老将如熊，就真的要带着遗憾了。
如果不是因为他，我也许都不会关注德国队。下届世界杯，应该不会再有熊和克洛泽了。现实就是如此残酷。年轻的德国队还有机会，但是老将如熊，就真的要带着遗憾了。
16 Apr 2010
14 Apr 2010
Not a happy time
I have no job, neither do I have any offer. Everyday I just stay home, eat and sleep. I called mum just now and cried. I did not know why. All my problems are created by myself.
I have no idea what my future will be like. I know I will work harder, though. After being rejected by lots of companies, I see where I stand. I have neither fabulous experience nor stellar grade. I see people around me getting great offers but I myself am stuck here and I still have to go to that NTU interview and write a piece of essay about my ambition, while my real dream is to become a counselling psychologist.
Fear of the unknown, again. It's purely ridiculous. I have the will to work hard so why fear? But I can't control my feelings.
Midnight again. Continue tomorrow.
I have no idea what my future will be like. I know I will work harder, though. After being rejected by lots of companies, I see where I stand. I have neither fabulous experience nor stellar grade. I see people around me getting great offers but I myself am stuck here and I still have to go to that NTU interview and write a piece of essay about my ambition, while my real dream is to become a counselling psychologist.
Fear of the unknown, again. It's purely ridiculous. I have the will to work hard so why fear? But I can't control my feelings.
Midnight again. Continue tomorrow.
23 Mar 2010
5 Mar 2010
就这样，我就要面对大学了。
萌萌，你刚刚坐上火车，而我已经开始想你了。
和你在一起是那么快乐。三个月的假期里，让我最怀念的日子，就是和你看电影的那天。我们看着Barbara Novak美丽的公寓，我告诉你我们以后也要住这样的房子。多美的梦想。多希望有一天，我可以决定自己的步伐，可以真的和你在一起。到时候，你会不会有别的更好的朋友？会不会有了男朋友就不要我了？
日子一天天的过去，我发现我可以抓住的东西很少很少。世界这么大，而我只想和父母，和你在一起。只有你们能让我发现自己的价值。
明天我也要回新加坡了，去那里打工。等着吧，我很可能又要半夜给你打电话哭鼻子了。然后我要选专业，我要报大学。然后，我们可能就4年都见不了面了。
我要加油，你也要加油。虽然这次成绩令人失望，但是我会重振旗鼓，勇敢地坚持下去，改正自己的错误。路还很长，尽管我仍然很迷茫，我必须现在开始探索。
我真的很想很想和你住在那栋美丽的房子里。我想你。
和你在一起是那么快乐。三个月的假期里，让我最怀念的日子，就是和你看电影的那天。我们看着Barbara Novak美丽的公寓，我告诉你我们以后也要住这样的房子。多美的梦想。多希望有一天，我可以决定自己的步伐，可以真的和你在一起。到时候，你会不会有别的更好的朋友？会不会有了男朋友就不要我了？
日子一天天的过去，我发现我可以抓住的东西很少很少。世界这么大，而我只想和父母，和你在一起。只有你们能让我发现自己的价值。
明天我也要回新加坡了，去那里打工。等着吧，我很可能又要半夜给你打电话哭鼻子了。然后我要选专业，我要报大学。然后，我们可能就4年都见不了面了。
我要加油，你也要加油。虽然这次成绩令人失望，但是我会重振旗鼓，勇敢地坚持下去，改正自己的错误。路还很长，尽管我仍然很迷茫，我必须现在开始探索。
我真的很想很想和你住在那栋美丽的房子里。我想你。
31 Jan 2010
Overwhelming fear
It is irritating that I have to use this foreign proxy to log in to my log. I've been home for almost 2 months, and I have successfully done nothing. Well everyday I just eat, watch TV, eat again, watch TV again, and sleep. Life is kind of boring, and there is little thing that I can look forward to.
However, at some level, I am afraid of the near future. I have to face my results in March, and I really have no confidence. They say the unknown makes people afraid. That is damned true. Imagine a month later I have to go back to Hwa Chong to collect my results...I may even tremble when I get hold of the result slip. It is damned frightening.
But I've got to face it by myself. Yes. Whatever the result is, I have to accept it and move on with life. I don't know whether that is easy, but that is possible, and definite.
At this age, well, I think about a lot of things. Career, job, major, love, boyfriend...all mixed together. Whenever I see those unhappy marriages on TV, I wonder if that might happen to me. Whenever I pass by some poor people who have to beg for money on streets, my heart twitches, partly because I feel sorry for them, and partly because I am really uncertain of my future. Will I really earn enough money? Can I get a job? Will any firm hire someone like me? Am I going to be successful? The truth is, I don't even know what major I shall choose in university. I mean, at this age I just have to face a great deal of uncertainties which I hate. Yes. Uncertainty makes me nervous and afraid of the coming days. It really does.
I gotta face everything alone. I know my friends and family will be supporting me but I have to learn to face things alone, however I hate to do that. I think maybe I really need to grow up. People learn from pain and tears.
I am really a coward, aren't I? God please give me some strength. The result, the future. I must learn to fix things by myself. The worst possible outcome is that I kill myself. Then I don't have to deal with any of these at all. I don't know. I really do not know myself well. Am I mature enough to face my life bravely, or will I just take the shortcut to the end of my life?
No. I think I would rather endure the pain of life. At least I know some people will always be there for me. I really do need their support. Oh god life is hard! Why is it planned this way? Why couldn't it be easier on me?
I can't wait for the result to come.
However, at some level, I am afraid of the near future. I have to face my results in March, and I really have no confidence. They say the unknown makes people afraid. That is damned true. Imagine a month later I have to go back to Hwa Chong to collect my results...I may even tremble when I get hold of the result slip. It is damned frightening.
But I've got to face it by myself. Yes. Whatever the result is, I have to accept it and move on with life. I don't know whether that is easy, but that is possible, and definite.
At this age, well, I think about a lot of things. Career, job, major, love, boyfriend...all mixed together. Whenever I see those unhappy marriages on TV, I wonder if that might happen to me. Whenever I pass by some poor people who have to beg for money on streets, my heart twitches, partly because I feel sorry for them, and partly because I am really uncertain of my future. Will I really earn enough money? Can I get a job? Will any firm hire someone like me? Am I going to be successful? The truth is, I don't even know what major I shall choose in university. I mean, at this age I just have to face a great deal of uncertainties which I hate. Yes. Uncertainty makes me nervous and afraid of the coming days. It really does.
I gotta face everything alone. I know my friends and family will be supporting me but I have to learn to face things alone, however I hate to do that. I think maybe I really need to grow up. People learn from pain and tears.
I am really a coward, aren't I? God please give me some strength. The result, the future. I must learn to fix things by myself. The worst possible outcome is that I kill myself. Then I don't have to deal with any of these at all. I don't know. I really do not know myself well. Am I mature enough to face my life bravely, or will I just take the shortcut to the end of my life?
No. I think I would rather endure the pain of life. At least I know some people will always be there for me. I really do need their support. Oh god life is hard! Why is it planned this way? Why couldn't it be easier on me?
I can't wait for the result to come.
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