运动会

今天是运动会，坐在一群疯狂欢呼的人中间让我感到手足无错。I feel I'm just a living body with no spirit. Am I drained of all my human emotions? Am I still a human? 没话说了。 听着他们欢呼，让我想到我曾经的运动会。一群小屁孩儿啥都不懂就知道扯着嗓子乱喊，为了班级的荣誉喊，我当时就只有热情。我曾经为了三对三篮球赛那么激动，为了裁判对我们班男生的不公待遇那么激动。现在呢，我机械化了。我已经没感情了。

University

About the talk, I can say little. Surely I dream about Princeton, Colombia and other ivy league schools. Surely I dream about getting e scholarship. But to make dream come true, the very first step is to study as hard as possible and compete for as much leadership as possible, which seem so impossible to me, an antisocial girl with poor learning ability, poor leadership, and who like to utter vulgarism. If I was in China, I'll keep myself very rational, knowing that few people in my province get to Qing Hua and Beida. But unfortunely for me, I'm in singapore.

And I'm so endorsed in dreaming. I see people around me all planning to go abroad. I see all those genius getting A-star scholarship and being admitted by those schools in my dream. I see my very senior getting 2400 for SAT 1. Those are just live examples around me. So even I, someone who prefer slacking and sleeping, develop a dream of going abroad. I know this can only be a dream, because I know too well of myself. I used to believe that everything can come true, but now I know there's just a limit to what u can achieve, no matter how hard u try, not to mention that I don't even want to work hard. 每次想到这里，我都觉得我无比该死，无比可怜。我已经不是两年前那个学习刻苦的小女孩了，我就是个没前途，没志气的笨蛋。

And this is e saddest part of all, that I dream, but are never able to strive for it, to try my best. And always I would have a horrible conclusion, that I'm living a life that's no longer mine. My existence in this world is just to comfort those who love me that I'm live. My life has no more meaning than that. Sad.

Vulgarism

Yesterday I went for an us university talk. Well I'm really depressed, in many ways. I feel I'm hopeless again. Liangxu said I used too much vulgarism in my blog. What more can I say? 骂人让我感觉爽…为什么呢？也许是因为我从小习惯了粗俗吧。有时想，我就是个毫无度量的粗人，干嘛要逼自己用文明的语言说的不过瘾呢…但是，再想想，又觉得是自己太空虚，太懦弱，所以才想表现得盛气凌人些…不管如何，我还是我…我知道自己干不成大事，所以就颓废吧，自我堕落吧，哈哈

转自韩寒博客

回答爱国者的问题

2008-04-23 20:21:24
大 中 小
标签：杂谈

回答爱国青年：

在留言看见了很多爱国青年的留言，我加以回答。不知道为什么，爱国者的嘴巴总是比较臭，行为总是比较暴，所以我在这里做了大量的过滤工作，好让这场问答显得像是场只是不同观点的对话。以下的问题虽然只有十几个字，但事实都是我从几百个字里进行删选出来的，我删除了大量语气的助词。

问题1：外国人过来抽你一个耳光，你也无动于衷，不还手，来显示自己很大度？
回答：外国人没有过来抽我耳光。

问题2：韩寒，你妈被外国人强奸了，你也不抗议？
回答：外国人没强奸我妈。

问题3：祖国就是你的母亲……
回答：祖国是祖国，母亲是母亲。

问题4：你怎么对得起你脚下自己的土地……
回答：我没有自己的土地，你也没有自己的土地。

问题5：你不是一个中国人，是中国人就应该抵制家乐福。
回答：宪法上不曾这样规定。这是你的强行流氓爱国观。

问题6：爱国是一个人与生俱来的优秀品质和优良传统。
回答：再让你生一次，如果你还选择生在这个国家，那这才是真正的爱国和优秀品质。

问题7：你连自己的母亲都不爱，你还是个人吗？
回答：我妈叫周巧蓉，我很爱她。我用自己的努力，让我全家可以得到基本的生活保障，想保障自己国家的人，先把自己的小家给保障好吧。

问题8：你说家乐福的股东可能没赞助达赖，我们也的确没找到什么他赞助了的证据，但这不妨碍我们抵制法国货，家乐福只是个冲头，事实上，我们要抵制一切和法国有关的东西，我们还要抵制LV，抵制标致汽车，抵制雪铁龙……支持2008奥运，中国人的强大和团结让世界颤抖！

回答：现代奥运会是法国人顾拜旦创办的，一起抵制了吧。

问题9：坚决抵制家乐福，你，居然能容忍外国列强对我泱泱大国的侮辱，如果每个人都向你这么懦弱，那国家早就灭了。
回答：你强悍，你勇敢，你不怕死，你是烈士。因为你敢于不去某超市购物。而且，你敢于把家乐福的的冰激凌放在手推车里不结帐让它们化掉，你敢于在超市门口骂结帐出来的人是汉奸。你敢于烧荷兰国旗来警告法国。

问题10：合肥家乐福给中国降半旗，你为什么不愤怒。
回答：我相信这事情不是家乐福做的，他们也不敢这么做。国旗就在超市门口的广场上，这行为是典型的某些流氓爱者年自己把棋子降下去，贼喊捉贼，然后四处传播，以便煽动，惟恐天下不乱。这更加不道德。类似的行为和手段在类似的行动中太耳熟能详了。

问题11：在这万众一心的时刻，你假装清醒，说风凉话，给爱国志士浇冷水，和民意相违背，你这样的话居然都能发表，看来中国的言论还是太自由了，应该封杀你。
回答：我们的人一方面呼吁国家放开言论，一方面有人反对自己就希望国家封杀掉他，国家在进步，你逼它退步。小心百转千回，害人害己。

美国人贱，也不能要求中国人委曲求全。

"Chinese protesters who were so incensed by Mr. Cafferty's comment might, for example, be surprised at some of the venom he's poured on America's own leaders. And they might be even more surprised at just how little anybody cares..."

So what?

美国的领导人自甘堕落，那是他们低贱，被骂也不敢还口。连个播新闻的都可以肆无忌惮的骂他们。。。难道这是那么光荣的事吗？

美国人民对他们的领导被骂无所谓，要不就是他们对大实话不能鸡蛋里挑骨头，要不就是他们觉得自己的国家本来就是没有骨气的，被骂是应该的。

But it's a complete different thing when Mr. Cafferty insulted China. We Chinese love our government, and we appreciate what our leaders has done for us. We have righteous beliefs. We are not to be insulted by anyone, especially some stupid American...

我们对美国人的低贱自叹不如，因为我们都太爱国了。

......

无聊，重装电脑了，什么都不能干，就写写日志吧

其实我什么都不想再想。现在的我，变了。什么都变了。我无法适应罢了。

我不想感伤，没什么前途的。我已经说了那么多。

我知道所有问题的根源，我自卑，我敏感。而我厌恶我自己的最明显的缺点。

我克制住满心的想发牢骚的冲动，来写些不让人太厌倦的文字。

我想我是在青春期了。我想自杀的冲动，我对梦想与现实间落差的无所适从，我过度的在意别人对我的看法，我的和所有少年一样的梦的破灭。

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear siknned smiles
Who married young and then retired

The Valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say Come dance with me"
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen

A brown-eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said"Pity please the ones who serve,
They only get what they deserve"
And the rich relationed home town queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company and haven for the elderly
Remember those who with the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debentures of quality and dubious integrity
The small town eyes would gape at you in dull surprise
When payment due exceeds accounts received at seventeen

To those of us who knew the pain
Of Valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me
We all played the game and when we dared
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inverting lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
They call and say "Come dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me at seventeen

无意中听到了这首歌，觉得好像我的写照啊，（我真的是没事找事）。

我觉得自己好卑微。永远在小事上算来算去，这大概就是我没法做大事的证据吧。也许所有人都会觉得我目光短浅，毫无度量吧。
因为我就是这么觉得的。

哈哈

那么就让我鄙视我自己吧。

过了青春期，心态会变好的。因为人会成熟的，社会会逼我成熟的。

:)我相信我还什么都不知道，我还很幼稚，我还没有经历过真正的大风大浪。

所以我要坚持，就算要自杀，也起码要因为些拿得出手的事儿。。。

Chem SPA

The fucking practical... I blew it up again.
I still can't finish it at all. Shit! I used the wrong strategy. And it ended up with me having no more time to do a second titration... Horrible! I don't even have time to check my presentation. My value is off. The only titration done must be extremely inaccurate.

If only, if only I can finish something without regret, my life would be much less miserable.

Yet I have never done anything good. I'm a specialised failure. I only have the ability to make 100% failing rate. That's kinda "cool"