......

无聊，重装电脑了，什么都不能干，就写写日志吧

其实我什么都不想再想。现在的我，变了。什么都变了。我无法适应罢了。

我不想感伤，没什么前途的。我已经说了那么多。

我知道所有问题的根源，我自卑，我敏感。而我厌恶我自己的最明显的缺点。

我克制住满心的想发牢骚的冲动，来写些不让人太厌倦的文字。

我想我是在青春期了。我想自杀的冲动，我对梦想与现实间落差的无所适从，我过度的在意别人对我的看法，我的和所有少年一样的梦的破灭。

I learned the truth at seventeen
That love was meant for beauty queens
And high school girls with clear siknned smiles
Who married young and then retired

The Valentines I never knew
The Friday night charades of youth
Were spent on one more beautiful
At seventeen I learned the truth
And those of us with ravaged faces
Lacking in the social graces
Desperately remained at home
Inventing lovers on the phone
Who called to say Come dance with me"
And murmured vague obscenities
It isn't all it seems at seventeen

A brown-eyed girl in hand me downs
Whose name I never could pronounce
Said"Pity please the ones who serve,
They only get what they deserve"
And the rich relationed home town queen
Marries into what she needs
With a guarantee of company and haven for the elderly
Remember those who with the game
Lose the love they sought to gain
In debentures of quality and dubious integrity
The small town eyes would gape at you in dull surprise
When payment due exceeds accounts received at seventeen

To those of us who knew the pain
Of Valentines that never came
And those whose names were never called
When choosing sides for basketball
It was long ago and far away
The world was younger than today
And dreams were all they gave for free
To ugly duckling girls like me
We all played the game and when we dared
To cheat ourselves at solitaire
Inverting lovers on the phone
Repenting other lives unknown
They call and say "Come dance with me"
And murmur vague obscenities
At ugly girls like me at seventeen

无意中听到了这首歌，觉得好像我的写照啊，（我真的是没事找事）。

我觉得自己好卑微。永远在小事上算来算去，这大概就是我没法做大事的证据吧。也许所有人都会觉得我目光短浅，毫无度量吧。
因为我就是这么觉得的。

哈哈

那么就让我鄙视我自己吧。

过了青春期，心态会变好的。因为人会成熟的，社会会逼我成熟的。

:)我相信我还什么都不知道，我还很幼稚，我还没有经历过真正的大风大浪。

所以我要坚持，就算要自杀，也起码要因为些拿得出手的事儿。。。