CCA Event Reflection

I've been helping as a facilitator in a CCA event for two days and life has been horrible. In the first morning I got on the wrong bus and it took me around 2 hours to just get to the destination. When I finally arrived at Raffles, I then had a hard time finding others. Worst of all, I failed to be a competent facilitator. I couldn't speak English properly which made me unwilling to communicate with my groupmates. My partner never appeared.
在top school就可以目中无人吗？
On the second day the situation just got worse. One team from the Pioneer secondary quitted. I got one Raffles Girls' School team instead. The game we played required high english pronounciation skills. I know how badly i did and I felt sorry for some of them.
但我却不会对某几个女的感到抱歉。当我还在磕磕绊绊念题的时候，有一个冲着刚走进来的RJC的学长说" she sucks." 这话我听的情楚，但却让我的内疚感消失了。人都是自私的，Yes. I'm shameful for being such a stupid facilitator. 但我更在乎别人对我的羞辱。因此我只觉得心里很轻松，因为我对她们的那些愧疚没了。是啊，在一群没道德的妓女面前，傻子也太高尚了。


This event has brought some more hopelessness to my miserable life. I feel I don't deserve to stay in Astronomy Club.
我看清了自己。我永远是给集体抹黑的人。我控制不了自己的脾气。也许大家都发现了我心理有病。我也没什么脸再见我的club president了。我仍然是那个只会把事情搞砸的笨蛋。我仍然不愿做文明人，只想做随时可以骂人的农民。我突然想毁灭这个世界，突然想破坏所有这里的活动。哈哈，我想起了刘鹏飞。他是第一个跟我说他的理想是把地球毁了的人。当时我鄙视他 现在我和他差不多。 我觉得前途缈茫。在哪里都没我的立足之地，我不想留下再给别人添麻烦了。