I can't ask...

I'm really afraid. When I met his friend online, all I wished was to ask about him, and yet I dared not.
I can't allow myself to go on like this. I'm falling and there's no end to my suffering.
I want to know something about him. How's the result of his recent exams? How is his life? Of course I can get the info if I want but I'll have to think of the consequences. I'm just disturbing his life. I'm only, and forever, an outsider. I don't want either him or his friends to despise me.

How troublesome! I'll never find a solution. How I wish to see him in June! But what's the point? I keep telling myself there's just no chance. Maybe I care for him because I regard him as a good friend. But really, this reason is never sound.