好像一切都不太对劲儿。
好像从来没有这么考过试。
这是最重要的一次不是吗？
还是被我答得七零八落。
我想不管现在多么茫然，
浪费了多少生命，
都还是要坚持下去。
过了这一段时间，
会找到自己的。
如果真的需要这些代价的话，
那么我只能付出。
21 Nov 2009
15 Nov 2009
I really need to type something tonight
I didn't review anything today. I went for a Brown Interview this morning, and my performance was...quite disappointing. I forgot to mention lots of important things (How could I even forget? Faint!)
However, I do like the interview. It was more a conversation than a interview. My interviewer is nice and it was pleasant talking to him. But the problem is, the more I learn about Brown, the more I love it, and the more I want to get admitted.
This is so not what I have planned. My original proposal was to just apply some schools and try my luck. The worst result would be to go to NUS. But now, nothing is going according to the plan. I have fallen in love with Brown. Everything about Brown seems perfect to me (quite expected), but I, on the other hand, is extremely ordinary compared to the large pool of excellent students applying Brown.
I could still remember the days when I rushed to complete my essays. I have written over 10 drafts for 2 essays. I asked the help of my friends, my juniors and my teachers. Although no teacher would vet it for me in the end, I still loved those two essays. But me loving it is clearly not enough. Brown must love it, too.
I enjoyed the process, actually. I enjoyed hanging around in College Confidential and CUUS, going over those old threads,admiring all those Niu people who received their dream offers,but also learned from those people who carried on despite of some disappointing rejects.
I learned about US universities, and was fascinated by the curriculum and philosophy of Liberal Arts Educations. I learned about Brown's open curriculum, its lack of frat life, its focus on passion and interest in learning. Then I suddenly realized Brown is just the ideal university I have always been wanting to go to. I became excited, and at the same time, worried. She only admitted a small percent of the large applicants pool, and the chance of me being one of those admitted is low. Truly, I have no fantastic GPA, no fantastic SAT scores, no good leadership experience. But I keep telling myself I have passion and my own goal. So I should go and have a try. At first I really thought it would be just a try. But after all those research, all those essay writing time, I became more and more clear about what I want. Brown has become my dream school. Although I know my chance is low, I do not want to mess up any part of my application.
Still I made some huge mistakes. I didn't do well in prelim. I didn't do well in interview. And at this time I am already not able to comfort myself by saying "it is okay the worst is to go to NUS." I want to go to Brown. I know there are lots of people, many of whom are better than me, out there who think the same. Everyone wants go to a great university.
The more I try, the more hopeful I become, and the more I fear failures.
Now I even wonder whether NUS would be my safety option. After all, I did not really prepare well for A levels. There is a chance I may lose on both sides. What is happening? My plan used to be just write something for the application and then concentrate on A levels. But I went astray, completely. Am I just being silly? Am I just someone who doesn't even know where she stands? Is it just a dream that I may go to Brown someday?
I know that if I could not get this chance, I would never go to Brown again. After all I cannot choose Brown for my graduate program. I try to convince myself that not every wish would come true. Things don't happen just because you wish them to happen. But still I hope I can get into Brown. Maybe I am too hopeful? I don't know.
The interview is not good enough.And my A level is...at stake. I know clearly now what I need to do. I need to put Brown aside and concentrate on my exam. I have messed up the last stage of my application process, and there is just nothing more I can do. I know I love Brown, but why not spend my time doing something more useful, instead of thinking about this again and again?
I feel so much better now that I have written my feelings out. Still, I could not believe that I forgot to mention Blogging today. What was I thinking?
Just carry on. Be hopeful, but be ready for the worst results.
However, I do like the interview. It was more a conversation than a interview. My interviewer is nice and it was pleasant talking to him. But the problem is, the more I learn about Brown, the more I love it, and the more I want to get admitted.
This is so not what I have planned. My original proposal was to just apply some schools and try my luck. The worst result would be to go to NUS. But now, nothing is going according to the plan. I have fallen in love with Brown. Everything about Brown seems perfect to me (quite expected), but I, on the other hand, is extremely ordinary compared to the large pool of excellent students applying Brown.
I could still remember the days when I rushed to complete my essays. I have written over 10 drafts for 2 essays. I asked the help of my friends, my juniors and my teachers. Although no teacher would vet it for me in the end, I still loved those two essays. But me loving it is clearly not enough. Brown must love it, too.
I enjoyed the process, actually. I enjoyed hanging around in College Confidential and CUUS, going over those old threads,admiring all those Niu people who received their dream offers,but also learned from those people who carried on despite of some disappointing rejects.
I learned about US universities, and was fascinated by the curriculum and philosophy of Liberal Arts Educations. I learned about Brown's open curriculum, its lack of frat life, its focus on passion and interest in learning. Then I suddenly realized Brown is just the ideal university I have always been wanting to go to. I became excited, and at the same time, worried. She only admitted a small percent of the large applicants pool, and the chance of me being one of those admitted is low. Truly, I have no fantastic GPA, no fantastic SAT scores, no good leadership experience. But I keep telling myself I have passion and my own goal. So I should go and have a try. At first I really thought it would be just a try. But after all those research, all those essay writing time, I became more and more clear about what I want. Brown has become my dream school. Although I know my chance is low, I do not want to mess up any part of my application.
Still I made some huge mistakes. I didn't do well in prelim. I didn't do well in interview. And at this time I am already not able to comfort myself by saying "it is okay the worst is to go to NUS." I want to go to Brown. I know there are lots of people, many of whom are better than me, out there who think the same. Everyone wants go to a great university.
The more I try, the more hopeful I become, and the more I fear failures.
Now I even wonder whether NUS would be my safety option. After all, I did not really prepare well for A levels. There is a chance I may lose on both sides. What is happening? My plan used to be just write something for the application and then concentrate on A levels. But I went astray, completely. Am I just being silly? Am I just someone who doesn't even know where she stands? Is it just a dream that I may go to Brown someday?
I know that if I could not get this chance, I would never go to Brown again. After all I cannot choose Brown for my graduate program. I try to convince myself that not every wish would come true. Things don't happen just because you wish them to happen. But still I hope I can get into Brown. Maybe I am too hopeful? I don't know.
The interview is not good enough.And my A level is...at stake. I know clearly now what I need to do. I need to put Brown aside and concentrate on my exam. I have messed up the last stage of my application process, and there is just nothing more I can do. I know I love Brown, but why not spend my time doing something more useful, instead of thinking about this again and again?
I feel so much better now that I have written my feelings out. Still, I could not believe that I forgot to mention Blogging today. What was I thinking?
Just carry on. Be hopeful, but be ready for the worst results.
14 Nov 2009
Brown Interview 有感
只能说，杯具啊。
我们约在某家咖啡厅。对方91年毕业的，大概40多岁吧。
问题大致如下：
1. Why do you come to Singapore?
2. What’s your intended major and why?
3. Why do you choose Brown?
4. What do you do outside school?
5. What is your extra-curricular activity in school?
6. What student organizations do you want to join in Brown?
然后就让我问他问题。我问了下比较standard的，比如why did you choose Brown and how has Brown changed you? 最后十分冷场啊，我就硬着头皮又多问了些问题，什么how is Brown’s graduate program?和Are there many strange people in Brown? 结尾的时候还问他 Life in US must be more exciting than life in Singapore right?
我觉得我最大的败笔就是准备不充分，回答不focus。像很多问题比如说major啦都是可以事先想一想的。可是我就直接去了！！我应该阐述自己来新加坡的心理变化，以及为什么因此想学psychology。最后发现自己好像只谈了来新加坡后问题多么严重啊之类的，感觉大部分都是negative的东西。哭！！！
当我说喜欢Brown的individuality时，我想说自己不喜欢太多social life，但是我觉得我表达有问题，我自己说出来的时候，怎么听怎么感觉像在说我比较antisocial不喜欢和人交流。而且我是最后才意识到的。
剩下的问题回答得都特别superficial，基本没details。人家问你喜欢什么，我就说唱歌看电影啊。然后，冷场。我竟然没有说我喜欢blogging。唱歌看电影，这是什么爱好啊？！
而且我还不够interactive。他说话的时候我一句话都没差，就直愣愣的听他说，然后在他说完的时候笑一下，感觉特别不认真。
我们提到了UCB，然后他说和brown 很相似，我就说“真的吗？我觉得除了brown是unique之外，别的学校都差不多”。回想起来，好像在拍马屁啊。
我去之前在街头捐了个款，人家给我衣服领子上贴了张像商标的sticker，我竟然忘了取下来。结果我整个interview里带着那张醒目的商标，一直到回家才发现。
反正小问题层出不穷，就不罗嗦了。准备要interview的孩子们加油啊。MS我的Brown梦里我又远了一步。
我们约在某家咖啡厅。对方91年毕业的，大概40多岁吧。
问题大致如下：
1. Why do you come to Singapore?
2. What’s your intended major and why?
3. Why do you choose Brown?
4. What do you do outside school?
5. What is your extra-curricular activity in school?
6. What student organizations do you want to join in Brown?
然后就让我问他问题。我问了下比较standard的，比如why did you choose Brown and how has Brown changed you? 最后十分冷场啊，我就硬着头皮又多问了些问题，什么how is Brown’s graduate program?和Are there many strange people in Brown? 结尾的时候还问他 Life in US must be more exciting than life in Singapore right?
我觉得我最大的败笔就是准备不充分，回答不focus。像很多问题比如说major啦都是可以事先想一想的。可是我就直接去了！！我应该阐述自己来新加坡的心理变化，以及为什么因此想学psychology。最后发现自己好像只谈了来新加坡后问题多么严重啊之类的，感觉大部分都是negative的东西。哭！！！
当我说喜欢Brown的individuality时，我想说自己不喜欢太多social life，但是我觉得我表达有问题，我自己说出来的时候，怎么听怎么感觉像在说我比较antisocial不喜欢和人交流。而且我是最后才意识到的。
剩下的问题回答得都特别superficial，基本没details。人家问你喜欢什么，我就说唱歌看电影啊。然后，冷场。我竟然没有说我喜欢blogging。唱歌看电影，这是什么爱好啊？！
而且我还不够interactive。他说话的时候我一句话都没差，就直愣愣的听他说，然后在他说完的时候笑一下，感觉特别不认真。
我们提到了UCB，然后他说和brown 很相似，我就说“真的吗？我觉得除了brown是unique之外，别的学校都差不多”。回想起来，好像在拍马屁啊。
我去之前在街头捐了个款，人家给我衣服领子上贴了张像商标的sticker，我竟然忘了取下来。结果我整个interview里带着那张醒目的商标，一直到回家才发现。
反正小问题层出不穷，就不罗嗦了。准备要interview的孩子们加油啊。MS我的Brown梦里我又远了一步。
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