I got 22/30 for my Situational Writing

This script really amazed me. This is sort of "The blind cat can catch the dead mouse" thing. This would never make me feel any better about my English. I really think that my vocabulary and my expressions suck. I have to admit that it is the lack of time that triggered to write those words which I previously thought must be very off. If I were to write faster, I would really get a so-called "Low-standard" script which had the wrong focus.

Recently I've been desperately trying to improve my English. I finally begin to read. However reading doesn't seem to help me much (or rather I have never read properly). All I feel is that I am still using those "old-fashioned" that I had used for at least 3 years, since my left for Singapore. I don't know how to plug in those "high-level" vocabularies.

Die die must try. This is typical" Singlish". But this can describe my situation very accurately and vividly. Although I really feel that English is driving me crazy, I still have to try.

 

I am going to buy Nokia N73！Music Edition!

Mikhail Gorbachev

We have just finished the Chapter of the Fall of the Communist Empire in History. Then I gradually came to understand the former leader of the Soviet Union, Mikhail Gorbachev.

It's really hard to give a comprehensive judgment of this man. In my view he is a hero, who had the heart and ambition, but eventually failed.

He was quite farseeing, as in he could see what was needed to really improve the developments of the Soviet Union. However, at the same time, he was not wise enough. Maybe he hadn't expected that he might fail one day. Or I would rather believe that he had thought of his failure, but was still determined to take a go on his political career, or more accurately, on the destiny of his nation.

When the collapse of the Soviet Union and the communism seemed inevitable, Gorbachev still endeavored to find a solution. He refused to give his country or his people up. His policies were brilliantly, but not applicable to the Soviet Union of that period, and thus, in a way, sped up the fall of the Communist Empire.

It all seemed ridiculously, when I read about the fact that the communist hard-liners thought Gorbachev's actions were all anti-communism. Didn't any one of them have sense? Couldn't they foresee what would happen to the USSR if no informs were introduced? And the people, why were they all so shortsighted? Was it true that no one in the Soviet Union could understand his pure diligence?

However, I knew clearly that all my accusations were just biased. No one was to be blamed. That is history. You have no stand to give judgments about anything, if you have never experienced the event yourself. In most occasions you can't even differentiate the right and wrong, because that is called history, such a complex subject that you can never know the exact solution which you can expect to get in science. Maybe this is the charm of literature.

Gorbachev, if I am to say, is a hero, who has born in a wrong age.

新买了保温瓶

来新加坡后的第一个保温瓶是紫色的,上面很古典的印着"紹"的繁体形式。可惜被我摔得不成样子，瓶身伤痕累累，有些地方的漆也被刮掉了。最后在勉强坚持的半年多后终于光荣退休了。

之后我借了冰莹的杯子来用，也是紫色的，比我以前的色深了点。以前是明快的紫，有点偏桃红。冰莹的杯子颜色却深沉些，由于不是用漆涂的，所以还稍带了金属的闪光色。新杯子体积很小，顶多有我以前那个的三分之二。

第二个杯子不是我的，但还是没能逃脱厄运。我虽不是故意的，但我的不细心给那个杯子上刻下了起码有五个疤。今天，我满怀歉意的还给她了。

为了解决杯子问题，我星期五下午和于尧去了Ang Mio Kio Fairprice Extra。那里的便携型保温杯只有一种，银色的，made in Japan。全身爬满了日语，没英文没中文。颜色我不是很习惯，同型号的还应该有一款大红色的，但没卖的了。在我郁闷地发现这是唯一的保温杯时，我还是毫不犹豫买了它。S$43,都比我钢笔贵了。

我的那篇"How I Made A Difference"被送出去参赛了。本来还想所可能换个纪念奖，但最后发现只有前三名有奖品。晕，很小气啊。看来我没希望了。

Failure

什么事都搞不定。人际关系真有那么难吗？学习真有那么重要吗？Life is a mess. I want something real.

快要Prelim了

I scored 29 for my English oral

Speechless

A score that is neither too high nor too low

So I don't need to laugh or to cry.

Life is like this

Prelim is coming

I am really stressed

Too many things happened

Science practical made me feel like an idiot.

Ho Ho

Be a happy girl

Start reviewing my friends!

快乐男声总冠军花落西安

我在想，近了近了，下次会不会有咸阳的帅哥去参选啊。哦哈哈哈。

西安也不错，西咸都一体化了。我们北方除了将军，也是有会唱歌的男生的啊。哈哈。南方男人一个个感觉都弱不禁风。自我感觉北方的女生，如同我，比那些娘娘腔强多了。这就是我们北方人的本色。西安是故都，咸阳更古啊。虽然说这个经济文化各方面都让人无语，但我还是喜欢咸阳，生我养我的地方，培育我性格人生观的地方。

易建联被炮轰

其实我这人不怎么看新闻的。今天偶尔就瞅着了易建联被那个什么黄健翔给骂了。其实对这事情我的了解几乎为零。但我还是小小同情一下易建联。果然，人越出名就越有着争议啊。且不说他的话（无论到哪里，我都会好好打球。因为我背后背着'中国'，代表着13亿人口。）到底是不是乱讲话，到底是不是悲哀。人家一个人在NBA想闯出点事业多不容易啊。像我只不过留在了个新加坡，只不过是个小小的留学生，留在一个不怎么样的学校，各方面素质也不怎么样，我还是觉得各方面要做得规规矩矩，不要丢中国人的脸。不管如何，我觉得大家心境差不多，尽管人家是高高在上的大球员。高处不胜寒啊。

没什么可批评的。我觉得支持才重要。即使那个姓黄的觉得人家话说得真有问题，也可以采用温和方式提出。而他现在的炮轰，让我的脑海浮现出了母猪发情的景象。世界上就是有一些人，巴不得别人不知道他们的存在啊。以为自己有才，就"语不惊人死不休"，想拿到百分之百的注视率。呵呵，真可笑啊。

兴许我是觉得自己的境遇也够悲哀的了，什么事都做不好。我当然太平凡了，不会有人浪费口水说我的，但我依然渴望支持，直到有人总会在我快倒下的时候扶起我，在我被别人否定时鼓励我。

再想想那些炮轰，总觉得是为了显示自己多么有性格而放上去的。这没什么不可能的。像一个暴发户，需要不停地花钱，向别人显示自己是有钱的。

只不过，暴发户花钱那是为祖国经济建设作贡献，而因为爱乱叫而对别人妄加批评的人，则是丝毫没有向自己有没有立场，恨不得把白抹成黑来表现自己与众不同的人。

Leaving Band

Yesterday the symphonic band, my CCA, completed their final performance. He Miao and I got our certificates. We actually went on stage to receive the certificate, despite the fact that we didn't join the performance at all. After that, we received a lot of cards from our section mates, but they didn't cheer us up. I felt that the words on the all the cards were actually the same, nothing more than wishing us to get to the junior college of our dreams.

However, I knew clearly that I deserve no more than that. I sometimes felt that I was completely a failure, who only blew things up. Everything I had done couldn't be seen as contributions. After all I had no ability to contribute anything. That was sad. That was me.

I had no ability to learn percussion, or to perform. I could not stand to look into the teachers' eyes. I couldn't stand to stay with band any more. Every time I entered the band room I felt pressure and depress. I couldn't cope with the life here. Frankly speaking I was not too stupid, but rather too lazy to learn. I valued my curriculum and study much more than band. That's why I failed. Besides that, I often got nervous. I could finish a music part by myself easily, but not when someone was around, checking my skills.

I am not sure whether I am able to adapt to the life here in Singapore. I participated in math and science competitions, projects and performance. But I seemed to be a failure every time.

Leaving band gives me a complex feeling. I don't want to describe it. But the thing is, I am free now. No matter what a stupid idiot I have been, no matter how my fellows and teachers view me or even despise me, I finally get back to my ordinary days, and my direction is never changed. I am gonna work hard. I am going to Hwa Chong, the Junior College of my dream.

爱就一个字

拨开天空的乌云　像蓝丝绒一样美丽
我为你翻山越岭　却无心看风景
我想你　身不由己　每个念头有新的梦境
但愿你没忘记　我永远保护你
不管风雨的打击　全心全意

两个人相互辉映　光芒盛过夜晚繁星
我为你翻山越岭　却无心看风景
我向你鼓足勇气　凭爱情地图散播讯息
但愿你没忘记　我永远保护你
从此不必再流浪找寻

爱就一个字　我只说一次
你知道我只会用行动表示
野花太放肆　守住了坚持
看我为你孤注一掷

爱就一个字　我只说一次
恐怕听见的人勾起了相思
热闹的城市　搜索你的影子
让你幸福我愿意试
(让你幸福是我一生在乎的事)

Muji- No Brand

想买个MUJI的铅笔盒

我好傻噢

Yu Yao’s Birthday- Happy 17th’s birthday!

Yesterday when we went to buy sushi together, Yu Yao said that the two years' life in Singapore was just a waste of time. Indeed the length was two years, but we were so empty. The most recent memory we had was probably the ones in China.

I suddenly realized. For the last two years ,we had been constantly talking about the past, the precious memory of China, of the former Secondary life.

I tried hard to find some meaningful events but failed.

How could I improve the life quality?

Reflection

I cried, when I succeeded in quitting the band's final performance.

He Miao's and my part were both reduced to a poor amount. Unable to stand this anymore, she claimed to the former section leader that she didn't want to continue the performance.

I actually also hated the idea of performing such little amount. And I was afraid if I would just spoil the whole thing.

This afternoon on entering the band room, the band leader came to us and told us that we could drop the piece, and that we could get the certificate anyway even if we were spectators.

I felt lost. And suddenly I found I hadn't done anything during my two years in band. I was really ashamed.

How dare I talk to my section leader like that?

I knew this was only an instant thought. My thought would change dramatically with just a little variation of the environment. And anyway, the situation today just made me feel like I was an irresponsible idiot.

The former band leader also came to comfort us. She said it really didn't matter that we couldn't play well. Actually it was really okay as she herself wasn't a successful drummer in Sec 2. She only started hard practicing from Sec 3. Also, scholars like us didn't really have time to practice( except my senior Peiqian). We would face the problem of being sent back to China if we couldn't handle the study.

I knew it was just comforting words. I appreciated the fact that she, a seemingly stern leader, had the heart to solace us, although I was not sure whether our leaves could make percussion better. But I did hope so. I hope Percussion could put up a wonderful show this time, and I had confidence in them.

However, for myself, I could only say that my choice of CCA was a complete mistake. I should have followed my heart, just like what Mohan had once said.

It's alright, I am learning

I cried when I left the band room. My mind was a mixture of feelings. I felt shameful. But what was more, I was deeply touched by my two years' life in this school and this band.

I suddenly felt that this group of people was very adorable.

I didn't know what to say. Indeed I was the trouble-maker.

I was glad that I was finally freed, but deep in my heart, this freedom was just another form of constriction and pressure to my mind.

I was confused. What about my life after this?

落寞

落寞是一种感觉

有的时候，会十分任性地，毫无理由地，为一些毫无意义的事物所挣扎，继而产生一种想留住它的冲动。

尽管我知道那从不属于我。

尽管我相信，冥冥之中事物早有定数，不是我的强留也没意义。

但我就陷在了这无意义中，

徘徊而难以放手，哪怕自己已遍体鳞伤。

强烈的主宰感，从属感。

我的确拉不住它。茫然若失。认真地感受这它从手中滑出，一闪即逝的感觉。

用心品味个中之微妙。仿佛心与心的较量。

The International Math Competiton

I failed again, on math, which is the subject that I am most confident in
The questions were easy, I could have got a full mark
But I didn't
I slept at 4 am this morning and woke up at 6am
and the tea alone is not powerful enough to keep me awake

So I was totally in a state of slumber when I dealt with the last three questions that required the most amount of thinking and concentration
Although my mind was excited by the exam and not fully numb,
I just failed working out the last three
that seemed so easy to me afterwards.

Maybe I should be punished
I should just endure this torture,
to help me remember what destructive would be resulted
if I just cannot deal with my everyday life

Be organized
Have enough rest
Acquire a clear mind
Then utilize my knowledge
based on the first three steps

To Be Alive

To live in this world
to live and live well

I need a reason to carry on
I need a direction
I don't want to fall down any more,
even though I know I could have lifted myself up.

No I don't wanna do that

I am just afraid
what if I lose the courage to stand up
what if I lost the strength to support myself

The situation is fixed.
No one is gonna back me up
if I couldn't even learn to stand up again myself.

So please
baby
try
I know you wanna scream.
I know you are going to burst out

Let me just be grateful
that I am still standing

Mistakes that has been made
Faults that had been done
whatever that is making me regretting

Let them be
Let them go with the wind

Whatever that is done has been done
I have shed tears
I have tasted failure

Now all the meaningless thoughts should be stopped
They won't help the situation any way.

Clear the mess and regain the strength
Find the direction and follow it
The track of life
the trace of nature

I'm gonna live
I'm gonna survive
I don't want the world to pass me by
I'm gonna dream
I ain't gonna die
Thinking my life was just a lie

To live and live well
It's great to be alive

买到钢笔了

为了这支得之不易的钢笔我已经跑了三天了。本来想看看有没有买便宜的Pelikan，结果从Bugis跑到Orchard跑了两天也没找到合适的。贵的太吓人，便宜的又太便宜，让我不敢相信它的性能。痛苦啊，我口袋里的钱已经烧开了，争先恐后的想往出挤。不得已我退而求其次，想着要不就买了那Parker 45得了。但又被Kinokuniya内卖的Lamy Vista透明杆给吸引了。大脑做了很长时间的挣扎。终于，在比较了其与Parker 45, Lamy Al-star 后，我毅然决然地为那只散发着独特气息的透明vista赎了卖身契。现在它是我的了。
笔尖是12F的，不懂。随带的那个什么卡式墨水我就更不知道怎么用了。晕。有没有专家来指导一下？
这支笔用起来十分的滑，感觉像在润滑油上写字一样。但也因此没有我以前那只Parker45的真实感了。Parker45划在纸上时，有些许阻力，但可以写得很坚定。这支笔很顺，但却不能随我心而动。总觉得自己写字时表达竟不甚流畅。不锈钢的与铱金的还是有差别的啊。不过我们既然成了朋友，就会越来越有默契的吧

指甲油

某晚心血来潮，看见了冰莹的无色透明指甲油就跃跃欲试。结果我涂了十个指头，起码用了三十个指头的油量，和一大堆洗甲水，因为我涂得太烂，所以是涂了又洗的。

然后自己买了护甲油和洗甲水，Sally Hansen 的。对这种东西牌子没有什么研究啦。感觉还好吧。

我喜欢盯着涂过护甲油的指甲看，那种闪闪的，可以反光的感觉，总让我想到晶莹剔透的露珠。那种细腻的饱和的珍珠贝般的光泽，让手有种被呵护的感觉。指甲上不经意的褶皱，也有一种优雅，古典，沧桑之感。似乎护甲油给了指甲生命的活力。（不过大概是因为我的指甲本身长的难看吧）