总是平白无故的.难过起来
然而大伙都在 笑话正是精彩
怎么好意思.一个人走开
不是没有想过.随便谈个恋爱
一天又过一天.三十岁就快来
往後的日子怎麽对自己交待
寂寞难耐,寂寞难耐
爱情是最辛苦的等待
爱情是最遥远的未来
时光不再啊.时光不再
只有自己为自己喝采
只有自己为自己悲哀
虽然曾经有过很多感情的债
对於未来的爱还是非常期待
这一次我的心情不高不低不好不坏
寂寞难耐,寂寞难耐
爱情是最辛苦的等待
爱情是最遥远的未来
时光不再啊.时光不再
只有自己为自己喝采
只有自己为自己悲哀
29 Sept 2010
28 Sept 2010
24 Sept 2010
淡定
Sometimes I think I am amazing at ignoring the surrounding. Apparently I succeeded again tonight. I feel quite sad, in fact, that while I am sitting here wasting time alone, my favorite senior is most enjoying himself. Well, I really shouldn't wonder, because this is what I am good at. Being in a party and let everyone feel as if I wasn't there at all.
But I am not complaining. I have for a very long time learnt to enjoy moments like this. You know, it is good to spend some time to organize my thoughts. Plural? I asked myself with amusement. This is the question that Chandler asked Joey in one episode of Friends. Do I have thoughts? I wonder. But I certainly know how to entertain myself at the right time. I learn to feel peaceful. This is a big improvement for me, really.
Still I hope someone would care. Not that I am so desperate for a man, I think I just need someone to make me feel good about myself at all time. It could be just a friend, as long as he or she makes me feel good. But it is a little hard right? Because even my parent would not be able to stay with me at all time to boost my confidence. I am asking for too much, I know. It is silly to ask someone to give you confidence. It is really my problem. I have to find that strength within me and boost it myself. I really should.
I remember somebody once told me that if I don't change at all, I will never be able to find a boyfriend. Well let's just say that I finally decide to give up. I don't want to get all needy and clingy. Or to be more exact, I need to force myself to stop being so needy and insecure.
There's something within me that this world cannot touch. It is the strength I have yet to discover. Sometimes when I am alone and I starting thinking how hard it is to live in this world, I would want to back out. But I know that strength is supporting me. I know I could go much further than I have been.
But I am not complaining. I have for a very long time learnt to enjoy moments like this. You know, it is good to spend some time to organize my thoughts. Plural? I asked myself with amusement. This is the question that Chandler asked Joey in one episode of Friends. Do I have thoughts? I wonder. But I certainly know how to entertain myself at the right time. I learn to feel peaceful. This is a big improvement for me, really.
Still I hope someone would care. Not that I am so desperate for a man, I think I just need someone to make me feel good about myself at all time. It could be just a friend, as long as he or she makes me feel good. But it is a little hard right? Because even my parent would not be able to stay with me at all time to boost my confidence. I am asking for too much, I know. It is silly to ask someone to give you confidence. It is really my problem. I have to find that strength within me and boost it myself. I really should.
I remember somebody once told me that if I don't change at all, I will never be able to find a boyfriend. Well let's just say that I finally decide to give up. I don't want to get all needy and clingy. Or to be more exact, I need to force myself to stop being so needy and insecure.
There's something within me that this world cannot touch. It is the strength I have yet to discover. Sometimes when I am alone and I starting thinking how hard it is to live in this world, I would want to back out. But I know that strength is supporting me. I know I could go much further than I have been.
23 Sept 2010
世态炎凉
当你最需要人帮助的时候，有多少人会不顾手上的事情马上跑过来帮你呢？
最近活得很游离。人多的时候总感觉自己像空气。比如今天CCA开什么general meeting，我还屁颠儿屁颠儿跑过去了，结果基本上被所有人无视，一个人在房间里穿来穿去找不到自己的位置，在尴尬的笑了一个多小时后终于一个人狼狈的离开了。我看着蓝墨水一样的天空，突然就特别想哭，于是打电话给小尚子，于是就狠狠发泄了一番。当时我只想唱”浮夸“。
yy过来需要租房子，我一个女生去看房子觉得有点危险，但是再怎么找也找不到第二个人了。你说什么叫友谊呢？在一起4年的校友算不算友谊呢？可是拒绝就是拒绝，都不需要second thoughts.
人与人估计是没有日久生情这一说的吧，在一起的时间长短与感情的深浅也不成正比吧。我活了20年，认识了那么多人，到底真的有赴汤蹈火在所不辞的朋友么？
记得自己曾写过一篇文章，说君子之交淡如水。人与人之间交往，的确是不该有任何前提，不该对对方有任何要求的。我应该还无法达到君子的高度，所以在被所有人拒绝之后，我感到很悲哀。没有人帮我的感觉的确是挺杯具的。这就是社会吧，每个人在保证自己的利益的情况下，闲来无聊也许愿意装装上帝。可是利益仍然是排第一位的。
也许因为我是完美主义者吧，社会在我眼里总是如此不堪，所以我懒的去交流，因为很可能我费了九牛二虎之力交来的朋友会在我最需要帮助时抛弃我。这很恐怖，真的很恐怖。与其费尽心力，不如顺其自然，让命运帮我找几个朋友。
我的作文水平真的是无可救药了。
最近活得很游离。人多的时候总感觉自己像空气。比如今天CCA开什么general meeting，我还屁颠儿屁颠儿跑过去了，结果基本上被所有人无视，一个人在房间里穿来穿去找不到自己的位置，在尴尬的笑了一个多小时后终于一个人狼狈的离开了。我看着蓝墨水一样的天空，突然就特别想哭，于是打电话给小尚子，于是就狠狠发泄了一番。当时我只想唱”浮夸“。
yy过来需要租房子，我一个女生去看房子觉得有点危险，但是再怎么找也找不到第二个人了。你说什么叫友谊呢？在一起4年的校友算不算友谊呢？可是拒绝就是拒绝，都不需要second thoughts.
人与人估计是没有日久生情这一说的吧，在一起的时间长短与感情的深浅也不成正比吧。我活了20年，认识了那么多人，到底真的有赴汤蹈火在所不辞的朋友么？
记得自己曾写过一篇文章，说君子之交淡如水。人与人之间交往，的确是不该有任何前提，不该对对方有任何要求的。我应该还无法达到君子的高度，所以在被所有人拒绝之后，我感到很悲哀。没有人帮我的感觉的确是挺杯具的。这就是社会吧，每个人在保证自己的利益的情况下，闲来无聊也许愿意装装上帝。可是利益仍然是排第一位的。
也许因为我是完美主义者吧，社会在我眼里总是如此不堪，所以我懒的去交流，因为很可能我费了九牛二虎之力交来的朋友会在我最需要帮助时抛弃我。这很恐怖，真的很恐怖。与其费尽心力，不如顺其自然，让命运帮我找几个朋友。
我的作文水平真的是无可救药了。
9 Sept 2010
Unapproachable
Someone described me as "unapproachable". This seems like the word that could describe me the best, but still I don't feel comfortable.
People keep telling me that I have to be flexible and make lots of friends now, otherwise I would not succeed when I go into the society. How do you do it? How do you make lots of "friends"? It is not that I have a harsh criteria for friends, just that I don't feel comfortable initiating a talk with a total stranger, when there is not even a project or a theme to start with.
All my fellow students are powerful talkers, and being near them makes me feel weird. A kind of feeling of inferiority, I think. Isn't it weird, that I feel inferior even if I seem to be convinced that being myself is undoubtedly the right way for me. I guess it is because I am not that convinced after all. I'm so full of contradictions.
Okay, stop this sad tone please. Just picture myself surrounded by my family and my real friends. They are the only people who make me feel calm and peaceful, as if I am living in a world without fake laughs, awkward conversations and stressful competitions. I hate the environment here. However, I believe there must always be a away out, I really do. Those who love me are always with me. I can feel the love. I'll be strong. I'll do everything I can to survive in this god-damned environment.
People keep telling me that I have to be flexible and make lots of friends now, otherwise I would not succeed when I go into the society. How do you do it? How do you make lots of "friends"? It is not that I have a harsh criteria for friends, just that I don't feel comfortable initiating a talk with a total stranger, when there is not even a project or a theme to start with.
All my fellow students are powerful talkers, and being near them makes me feel weird. A kind of feeling of inferiority, I think. Isn't it weird, that I feel inferior even if I seem to be convinced that being myself is undoubtedly the right way for me. I guess it is because I am not that convinced after all. I'm so full of contradictions.
Okay, stop this sad tone please. Just picture myself surrounded by my family and my real friends. They are the only people who make me feel calm and peaceful, as if I am living in a world without fake laughs, awkward conversations and stressful competitions. I hate the environment here. However, I believe there must always be a away out, I really do. Those who love me are always with me. I can feel the love. I'll be strong. I'll do everything I can to survive in this god-damned environment.
5 Sept 2010
如何完整的生存在这个世界中？
Recently I always have this feeling that my life is incomplete.
Is it, really?
I miss the fun I have had with my friends. YY and Seraph are in China now. It seems the only friend I have here is LX, to whom I can't tell certain things.
Maybe a lot of people are experiencing this transition now. But to them this may be only a short-term thing. Soon they'll make new friends and have new fun. But could I, ever?
I know I am jealous of those who did manage to get into accountancy. I missed my chance, and I was never able to change the outcome of that god-damned interview. I had performed poorly and let myself down. But these were not the worst. What hurts me the most is the fear I have over math. Could I ever do well in it?
Could I ever make another friend in this campus? Will I be allowed to stay in hostel for the next 3 years?
I am full of doubts.
Is it, really?
I miss the fun I have had with my friends. YY and Seraph are in China now. It seems the only friend I have here is LX, to whom I can't tell certain things.
Maybe a lot of people are experiencing this transition now. But to them this may be only a short-term thing. Soon they'll make new friends and have new fun. But could I, ever?
I know I am jealous of those who did manage to get into accountancy. I missed my chance, and I was never able to change the outcome of that god-damned interview. I had performed poorly and let myself down. But these were not the worst. What hurts me the most is the fear I have over math. Could I ever do well in it?
Could I ever make another friend in this campus? Will I be allowed to stay in hostel for the next 3 years?
I am full of doubts.
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