Reflection

I cried, when I succeeded in quitting the band's final performance.

He Miao's and my part were both reduced to a poor amount. Unable to stand this anymore, she claimed to the former section leader that she didn't want to continue the performance.

I actually also hated the idea of performing such little amount. And I was afraid if I would just spoil the whole thing.

This afternoon on entering the band room, the band leader came to us and told us that we could drop the piece, and that we could get the certificate anyway even if we were spectators.

I felt lost. And suddenly I found I hadn't done anything during my two years in band. I was really ashamed.

How dare I talk to my section leader like that?

I knew this was only an instant thought. My thought would change dramatically with just a little variation of the environment. And anyway, the situation today just made me feel like I was an irresponsible idiot.

The former band leader also came to comfort us. She said it really didn't matter that we couldn't play well. Actually it was really okay as she herself wasn't a successful drummer in Sec 2. She only started hard practicing from Sec 3. Also, scholars like us didn't really have time to practice( except my senior Peiqian). We would face the problem of being sent back to China if we couldn't handle the study.

I knew it was just comforting words. I appreciated the fact that she, a seemingly stern leader, had the heart to solace us, although I was not sure whether our leaves could make percussion better. But I did hope so. I hope Percussion could put up a wonderful show this time, and I had confidence in them.

However, for myself, I could only say that my choice of CCA was a complete mistake. I should have followed my heart, just like what Mohan had once said.

It's alright, I am learning

I cried when I left the band room. My mind was a mixture of feelings. I felt shameful. But what was more, I was deeply touched by my two years' life in this school and this band.

I suddenly felt that this group of people was very adorable.

I didn't know what to say. Indeed I was the trouble-maker.

I was glad that I was finally freed, but deep in my heart, this freedom was just another form of constriction and pressure to my mind.

I was confused. What about my life after this?