Leaving Band

Yesterday the symphonic band, my CCA, completed their final performance. He Miao and I got our certificates. We actually went on stage to receive the certificate, despite the fact that we didn't join the performance at all. After that, we received a lot of cards from our section mates, but they didn't cheer us up. I felt that the words on the all the cards were actually the same, nothing more than wishing us to get to the junior college of our dreams.

However, I knew clearly that I deserve no more than that. I sometimes felt that I was completely a failure, who only blew things up. Everything I had done couldn't be seen as contributions. After all I had no ability to contribute anything. That was sad. That was me.

I had no ability to learn percussion, or to perform. I could not stand to look into the teachers' eyes. I couldn't stand to stay with band any more. Every time I entered the band room I felt pressure and depress. I couldn't cope with the life here. Frankly speaking I was not too stupid, but rather too lazy to learn. I valued my curriculum and study much more than band. That's why I failed. Besides that, I often got nervous. I could finish a music part by myself easily, but not when someone was around, checking my skills.

I am not sure whether I am able to adapt to the life here in Singapore. I participated in math and science competitions, projects and performance. But I seemed to be a failure every time.

Leaving band gives me a complex feeling. I don't want to describe it. But the thing is, I am free now. No matter what a stupid idiot I have been, no matter how my fellows and teachers view me or even despise me, I finally get back to my ordinary days, and my direction is never changed. I am gonna work hard. I am going to Hwa Chong, the Junior College of my dream.