厌世

今天班里要选人参加cross-country run, 有4000多米
昨天我的2400米成绩竟排得上全班第二。
很无奈的被选上了
但最后想了想
觉得自己心脏真的不太好
而且是从来不锻炼的孩子
所以不想再受折磨，参加什么跑步比赛了
于是就跑去跟PE代表说I'm quitting
但她说I'll have to find a substitution
我问了一圈女生 没人去
我就又开始骂人了，当然，心里说的
靠，那怎么办，我就跑？
然后晕倒在场地上？（夸张了点）
我差点就哭了（越来越没用了）
也不是因为这件事，而是觉得活着真没意思
我现在觉得死了也没什么
我在干什么？学习，但我不喜欢学习
这里有我无话不谈的朋友吗？没有，所以我找不到人倾诉
我每天有一大堆的事
要考虑如何和新加坡人交朋友
如何做无聊的题
如何撑过那煎熬的几个小时的实验时间
and how to be a good partner to finish our project, when I myself really hate to do any work as a team with anyone who is not my intimate friend
I can't stand it
What's the pleasure of all this?
Every day I walk around the school alone and never enjoy a second of school life, dealing with all those rubbish that I wish to throw to dustbin but cannnot.
I have to follow others' orders and cannot even have the freedom to decide whether to take part in any activity or how to manage my free time.
I have to attend the rubbish Chinese New Year celebration organised by some idiots
and threat is given that anyone who skips will be punished by the school.
I have to be in the so-called famous school, feeling like I'm an idiot and that I shouldn't even be in this world.
This is not my world. I am here just to entertain people and to be despised by those people with wealth, beautiful faces and high IQ.
Why can't I just choose my own life?
Why do I have to follow orders?
Why do I have to keep staying in such an environment, while knowing clearly that I won't and don't want to really assilimilate to this country, this culture and these people?
Why do I have to live my life in such a tragic way, wasting my time and sending away my pleasure?
I have numerous questions, all of which only lead me to a final one, what am I living for, when there's nothing worth missing?
My parents and my friends should be my mental support, but I just cannot reach for their help.
Virtually I'm alone.
And I hate this world, really
And I won't go for any rubbish cross-country run when I'm forced to go.
When I say it, I mean it.
我不爽这世界

I shall use this quotation that can really represent my feelings now to end this journal. (Although some dirty words are included. Never mind, I just love this)
生活真他妈的好玩，因为生活老他妈的玩我！！！